After reading the first entries in this blog, a friend of mine remarked that they primarily reflect pain.  While I hadn’t felt that as I wrote, there is no question her observation is true.  My parents didn’t get along for 56 years; I’m in my third marriage.  So, this blog may not resonate with those of you raised in happy families spawned by a good marriage.   Or perhaps you married/are marrying a person from very different background, a mixture of a dysfunctional family and happy one: read on.

It is worth contemplating the notion that we all marry our parents in some way or another (although this usually isn’t evident until years later).  If you grew up with a good model, chances are you’ll have a good marriage.  I grew up with one alcoholic parent and one angry one.   There were legitimate reasons for both, but a kid couldn’t see that.  Had counseling and introspection been fashionable at the time, maybe they could have averted the tragedy they lived.  They modeled poor relationship skills and embodied little notion of respect and affection for each other. Yet I’ve married characteristics of both of my parents in all three marriages.  The good news is I finally picked their best attributes instead of their most injurious.

So this blog is about my painful road to a good marriage, what I’ve learned from understanding my parent’s marriage and all three of mine.  My disfigured marital history is a part of me, and I am thankful for the wisdom thus gained.  It has equipped me for the deeply satisfying and contented marriage I have today.