Advice from my grandmother: “Never let him know you can mow.”
Throughout my grandmother’s life and marriage, gender roles were well defined and generally understood. To the extent she let her partner know that she could take on his roles as well as her own was to increase her workload and resentment and decrease his sense of responsibility and pride of accomplishment.
Today’s aversion to gender-based roles with none to take their place means we are constantly letting him/her “know [we] can mow.” When one person stops doing what he/she thought had been his/her role because the other started doing it, both wonder about the seemingly invisible source of the tension. To the extent the old gender-based roles no longer hold, whether by virtue of a change in expectations, income production, same sex relationship, or multitudinous other reasons, the uncertainty breeds friction and lop-sided responsibilities.
As in so many other aspects of marriage, happiness lies in communication. Should you keep lists of who does what? A weekly rotation of irksome chores? Tally up the tasks at the end of the week and decide who buys whom dinner? Any of these methods can be effective. But I will admit, now in my third marriage where gender-based roles are mostly adopted and assumed, dare I say this politically incorrect thought: it works really well.
wishicouldstay 
This entry reminded me of my Dad who was unable to load the dishwasher. He always did it SO BADLY that it had to be completely reworked. He’d apologize good naturedly, be shown the correct way… and continue to do it wrong. He was a smart one!!!
Yes, he got the memo
My kids were masters of the tactic of doing chores badly!
But more to the subject, spouses should take on the tasks that they each most care about if possible. Also the ones they are best at. (My husband kept weeding-eating my plants and shrubs..now I do it–I care more and I’m more patient in the process) When both spouses work, sometimes the only way to delegate chores is by who has time for a particular chore. Sometimes it might just be a matter of numerical division.
I think the best chores are the ones we do together, both focused on common task and working together. Last night we went to the hardware store to get an item for a project. That short trip was a lot of fun and we both came home relaxed and ready to finish our work.
yes, nothing better than a joint project well and happily done! if the joint project produces friction, it’s time to take a look at why…